Self-care: The Basics

12/7/2018

By Ariel

In which Ariel discusses balance. Balance: a word we are bombarded with every time we open up social media. But what is balance? How do you become balanced? Is it even worth achieving? Some of the few questions that plague the modern parent.

What is Balance &
How Do We Achieve It

Self-care is the key to a living a fulfilling life. Life - and parenthood in particular - is a great balancing act. Balancing not only the demands of others but our own personal desires. But what does balance look like? Being balanced does not mean that we do not experience stress - at least in my opinion. I don’t believe it is possible - or even desirable - to live an entirely stress-free life. Stress is a warning light. It lets us know something needs to be changed. Stress is the catalyst for growth! Being balanced means that we can flow seamlessly from the sensation of feeling stress to the knowledge that we need to be do something proactive to actually doing something.

Being balanced on a daily basis means that when you lay down at the end of the night you may be exhausted (what parent isn’t?) but you are satisfied. You checked-in on all of the elements that make you YOU!

Being balanced on a weekly basis is a feeling of achievement. You may not have reached them, but you visited each of the areas you wish to grow in.

Living a balanced life means progress. The word balance implies achieving and maintaining homeostasis or equilibrium. But this is impossible! Even if it was possible, living life this way sounds bland. Where is your motivation to grow! I would like to see us redefine the word balance to mean the condition of keeping the elements in your life (your roles and the domains of health) in proportion. When the elements that comprise your life are in harmony, it allows you to seamlessly transition from one to the next fueling progress toward your goals. For example, you made sure to complete your weight lifting routine, eat a salad and get 7 hours of sleep last night, giving you the energy to tackle signing the kids up for summer activities leaving just enough energy left to do the deep dive into your businesses core values (your higher purpose) which motivated you to start writing the article on self-care you have been avoiding due to lack of clarity. You touched upon multiple elements in just one day and the momentum you created propelled you through one activity (or rest/recuperation period) to the next.

How Do We Achieve Balance?

Balance will look different for everybody. I make sure ‘balance’ is on my radar by incorporating it into my goals. I have a list of types of goals that I set every week. For me, my list includes the five domains of health: physical, mental, emotional, social and spiritual, and the roles that define me: individual, wife, mother, professional, and student. The list of roles you use may look similar but more likely than not it won’t. So take the time to create your list. But do make sure you touch upon each of the five domains of health. Chances are - like most of us - you are ignoring some of these and overusing others. I tend to ignore spiritual health only to set an overly ambitious list of physical goals.

This list represents my ideal. More often than I care to admit it is already Tuesday by the time I set weekly goals. Life comes at you in seasons. Right now, I am in a particularly busy season in my life. What I am trying to say it, if looking at this list gives you anxiety because it is so different from your current reality, don’t worry I am right there with you.

The Five Domains of Health: Physical, Mental, Emotional, Social and Spiritual

Physical Health: This domain incorporates exercise, food choices and sleep hygiene. Are you getting up and moving in a way that is both challenging and fulfilling? Are you fueling your body in ways that are enjoyable in the short-term but do not undermine long-term progress? The bottom line: Do you have enough energy to accomplish what you want (or need) to get done? If you are relying on caffeinated motivation to get you through the day, chances are you aren’t paying enough attention to this domain.

Mental: Are you challenging yourself intellectually? This is where I assess how I am learning and growing. Sometimes this looks like reading a book on a new topic. Sometimes it is more formal and involves doing a webinar. Sometimes I don’t have time for either of those and I just read an article that I have been saving for a rainy day. The bottom line is: did you learn one new thing this week?

Emotional: Are you making time to reflect on your rich, inner emotional life? Human beings feel emotions. You may even read this statement and be hit by a flood of complex emotions, because when it comes to our feelings “It’s complicated!” Each of us feels and deals differently. The bottom line is: Did you allow yourself to feel your emotions? Did you deal with them in a productive way?

Social: Are you attending to the relationships in your life? I use this domain to specifically address friendships since my relationship pillars - my husband and my daughter- have their own goals. Even an introvert like myself needs people. We are social beings. We cannot - and should not - do it alone! The bottom line is: have you made meaningful contact with a human being outside of your family?

Spiritual: Are you connecting to your higher purpose? When I redefined spirituality for myself as connecting to a higher purpose, this domain took on a whole new meaning for me. Prior to this breakthrough, I kept setting the same goal every week: go to church. But this wasn’t cutting it! I felt like I was just fulfilling an obligation. Checking that box! Don’t just check the box, that isn’t doing you any good. That isn’t fueling growth. The bottom line is: What is your higher purpose? Did you connect with it this week?

Sometimes when setting my weekly goals, I throw in oddballs roles like friend, sister, aunt or yogi. When I use these there is usually a specific upcoming event that I need to remember, such as a birthday or an unmet need, such as I went overboard at the gym and I need to alleviate the soreness in my aching limbs. Now sometimes a week is skewed in one direction. And that's ok! Some weeks physical goals will just flow from your pen like a waterfall. Go to the gym five times. Crush that 5k. Some weeks being a professional woman will take a backseat to being a wife. Knowing when and being able to do so relatively guilt-free is part of being balanced. Knowing how to do so without putting undue stress in the other areas is part of being balanced. Remember living a balanced life is not a sprint! It’s a marathon.

The bottom line is: When we are balanced we have the energy, the clarity and the intrinsic motivation to progress towards our big pictures goals. Those goals that fulfill us as a mother, as a wife, as a professional, as an individual etc. However you define you - are you progressing?

Want to see an example of what I strive for when setting weekly goals? Let us now in the comments down below.