Military Kids: What Teachers Need to Know

By Brianna

In which Brianna investigates common assumptions about military children, through the lens of the television shows and movies their teachers have consumed. What assumptions have these works instilled, and how true are they?

Get ready: April is the Month of the Military Child

​Since 1986, April has been designated the Month of the Military Child. This is a very special event for us, as both our husbands are Marines, and our children are unwittingly embarking on lives of service that they did not ask for. In preparation for this, we wanted to write an article about how teachers could incorporate the Month of the Military Child into their lesson plans. But then we spoke with some teachers and were reminded that the military-civilian divide is sadly a gaping chasm. In the event that a person has no contact with the military through a friend or family member (we're told that's about 99% of the country, so if it describes you, don't feel weird!), their impressions of military life are informed by the media. While there are many, many films about the military, few show the realities of military life for spouses, and fewer still for children. So what do we know about military kids? Which works have informed us of these truths? And how true are they, anyway? Let’s take a look!

Since impressions and assumptions about how “other” people live are formed in adolescence and early adulthood, we focused on television shows and movies that were popular when today’s teachers were teens or young adults. To come up with this list, we combined what teachers told us they watched at that age that they remember featured military kids, with shows that stuck out to us. In chronological order we examined Saved By the Bell, Recess, Cadet Kelly, NCIS, Molly: An American Girl on the Home Front, iCarly, and Army Wives.

​Rather than go through what every program got right or wrong about military life (and it usually was a combination of both, because television is not real life), let’s look at some of the broad strokes they had in common.

1. Military kids move a lot
2. Their parents are frequently gone
3. They're either super popular or super isolated
4. Their parents are disciplinarians
​5. They have big worries or even anxiety

​Now that we have a nice list of what the media is telling us consistently about military life, let’s examine these assumptions.

1. Military kids move a lot

​Yes. This can very much be the case. On average, military kids will move 6-9 times before they graduate high school; 6 times more than their civilian peers. But staying on one base for ten years at a time is increasingly common, especially for jobs that relate to using or maintaining specific equipment. Example: someone who works on one type of aircraft that only works out of one or two bases. It’s more cost effective for the government to keep those people on the same base than to pay to make their families move, just for the sake of it. A great situation for the families that love the area they’re stationed, but a real bummer for people who joined the military for travel and adventure.

2. Their parents are frequently gone

​I wish I could say that this is not the case, but the struggle is very real. Some military jobs will end the day promptly at four or five in the evening, but the reality for most troops is a long workday during the week and months away from home. The length and frequency of these separations varies wildly from job to job, unit to unit, and service to service. It’s not just deployments, either. We can choose to live separately for months or years at a time to maintain the other spouse’s job stability, or the kids’ schools or health (certain health factors can prevent family members from being moved overseas or to remote areas of the country where they cannot reliably receive adequate care). There are also many times when a service member must be away from the family for formal training or schooling. These can last anywhere from weeks to months, and it usually doesn’t make sense for the family to pull up stakes to follow.

3. Military kids are either super-popular or super-isolated

I mean, can’t we say this about most kids? Or, at least that they might feel this way? The experts at MilitaryChild.org say that military kids are overwhelmingly great at adapting to new environments and making friends quickly. This does not mean they’ll be friends with everyone, just that they can find a group pretty fast in a new school. However, it is not at all unusual for some military children to struggle with the transitions that their peers thrive in. The right support from their families and school staff are crucial for helping them fit in. And no matter how quickly a child adapts to new surroundings, it's a safe bet that they still miss their old friends.

4. Their parents are disciplinarians

​Military parents are still parents. They have the same assortment of parenting styles you would find in any other community. Like other parents, their choices are informed by how they were raised and by what they learn about parenting as they go along. Some are more dedicated to getting it right than others, and that will mean different things for every family. Military kids who live on a base will be used to a little more structure than civilian kids. For instance, when the flag is raised in the morning and lowered in the evening, everything outdoors on base must come to a halt, and everyone is to face the flag and stand at attention. This includes children at play, and you can find videos on youtube of them doing just that. Military dependents who misbehave in big ways (think vandalism, drunk driving) can bring consequences on their service member, as well as themselves. So there’s more discipline in those ways. But does Monkey’s daddy intend to raise her like he’s a drill instructor and she’s a recruit? Absolutely not.

Poor Gus! Dressing in the civilian clothes closest to the parent's uniform is not a thing! Unless your kid wants it to be. The mini-uniforms are mostly saved for special occasions, family portraits, and Halloween.

5. They have big worries or anxiety

This can be a struggle. The more the military parent is gone, the worse this can be. In addition to being sad that their parent is away, military kids become aware of how dangerous their jobs can be very early on. So they’re also worried that their mom or dad will be injured or killed. They might feel conflicted for enjoying themselves at school or at a party while their parent is away. With small children, there can be confusion between when the parent is deployed for work, and when they’re just at work for the day or a weekend. A child whose parent has been injured mentally or physically can have additional stress, as they become a partial caretaker, or at least have to assume more responsibility for themselves than their peers are expected to.

Ariel’s Two Cents: When this stress becomes abnormal: a child whose parent is suffering from PTSD is at risk for secondary trauma. Secondary trauma mimics the symptoms of PTSD. Not all children will develop Secondary trauma. Not all service members suffer from PTSD, despite what we see in the media. But what we see as worry and anxiety may be symptoms of a larger problem. If you are concerned that a child’s anxiety may be out of control, that is when you should get the school psychologist or social worker involved.

​Here are some key things to remember about military kids. First of all, they are kids. So they have the same problems, worries, and joys as other kids their age, plus a few others. Having a parent with a military career can come with a constellation of other concerns that overlaps with parts other parents’ careers. For instance, other kids have parents that have to be away for work, whether it’s over the road trucking, piloting commercial aircraft, or negotiating business deals in other countries. The children of first responders and deep sea fishermen also worry about their parents’ safety on a daily basis. And our shifting economy can mean that many families can, and do, have to make a move or two out of state for their careers while their kids are in school. Military kids are uniquely challenged with dealing with all of these situations at once. Now that we’ve done our own small part to set the record straight, we’ll come back soon with concrete tips for teachers to help military kids.

Special thanks to a special teacher who cares about her students and helped us out with this article! To our readers: did you learn anything from this? Have any questions you'd like us to address next time? Please comment below or email us. The buttons below are functional as well as pretty!